I Would Like to Thank Delmon Young's Insanity for Making this Possible

Contrary to some concerns, my arm did not fall off in a bloody fashion.
Boatdrinks

"So Jesus said to think of these as reminders... *clears throat*

1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me... including Manny Ramirez.

..."

"I want to thank all the diehard fans who've been with us since the start. Oh, and also the other 39,997 people here tonight."

"I have something to say to Dick Vitale:
Will you please STFU."

I don't know how to say this but (leans in) can I be your neat-o stat of the night?

"Ernie, it feels really good to send the Red Sox 'gone fishin'".

P,P,P,Please dont hurt Simple Jack.

How much ya think this thing goes for on E-Bay I need rent money

Sucks this, Minnesota!!!

Are we on the air Ernie?

Garza: "Do I get one of Craig Sager's suits with this trophy?"

Hey, I gotta stock tip, Webistics, trust me on it.

We're here with ALCS MVP of your Tampa Rays Scott Kazmir...Carl Crawford...Fred McGriff...Matt Garza? What in the hell is a Matt Garza?

Wow, I really am glad I can win this now, that way I can feel complete as I struggle through the 7 year mega-million dollar contract the Yankees give me when I become a Free Agent!

Hey, EJ, tell Charles his Frank Caliendo impression is "turrible"

"Hey Ernie, Do you really want to know how Joe Maddon got us to relax?"

Matt Garza: "When they told me that I was traded to the Rays I can honestly say that I never thought this was possible!"

Garza: Ernie, I can't accept this. As a matter of fact, on behalf of the Rays and just Americans altogether, you deserve this MVP award for running over Kenny Smith and his Hyperdunks!

Though he knew it was his moment in the spotlight, Matt "Gonzo" Garza simply lacked the neck strength to keep his 40lb nose from dragging his entire body to the ground.

Coming up next, the Steve Harvey Show!

I'd really like to thank our fans, and if you will allow me, I'll take this time to mention all 23 of them by name.

What do you think of this bomber blue latex watch that I've worn on my right arm in support of Joba Chamberlain?

i would like to thank the 45,000 fans that came tonight, you were much better then the 45,000 that came the rest of the year.

"What? Can you speak up Ernie?"
"I said, you take the cotton balls out of your ears you nutjob!"

EJ: What do you think of Dickie V being in the audience to watch you guys win the ALCS (crowd cheers)?
The Jesus: I think it's Awesome with a capital A, baby!

Ernie's Neat-O Stat of the Night: Ernie Johnson didn't realize until after the third question that he wasn't interviewing Adam Sandler.

ever hear the one about the 12 inch pianist?

Hey Matt, you ever heard of former Cowboy Larry Brown?

"Yeah, it was a total team effort, everybody gave 100%, but I truly believe we couldn't have done this without Eckersley's mullet inspiring our drunken mistake mohawks. Say hi to your mother for me."

EJ: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the incredible shrinking man - Gheorghe Muresan.

Garza: Well, EJ the guys on the team well, we just loved you so darn much on the studio show that we all got together and made you this macaroni sculpture self portrait. We hope ya likes it.

Uh, thanks EJ, so, uh, this is what they took out of your neck? (too soon?)

Hey Ernie, is that a microphone in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Matt Garza: "I am so honored to join such baseball legends as Marquis Grissom, Adam Kennedy, Paul Konerko, and Placido Polanco."

Matt Garza: "You mean that Lou Holtz actually said that Hitler was a good leader and WASN'T fired?"

Inner Thoughts Of Ernie Johnson: "Charles Barkley ends up on Larry King Live and I end up having to interview this jabroni in Tampa."

Ernie: How do you feel now that you're going to face a team that is far better than the Red Sox in the biggest stage of them all?


Matt: I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so.....so....scared.

I accept this on behalf of the Rays' very own Hall of Famer and everybody's drinkin' buddy, Wade Boggs!

Lou Pinella left here to win a pennant with the Cubs. Hey, Lou, tell me how my a$$ tastes.

Garza: Well, Ernie, the way I dealt with the pressure was to say to myself, "The Red Sox can just go fuck themselves." Heh, heh. That one was for Neshek.

I want to thank Manny Ramirez for calling me up and giving me some tips on how to beat the Red Sox.

Wait, these champion caps aren't trucker hats? Gimme a break. Tampa sux.